- Jokes -

I wasnt in a good mood recently...
and i'm sorry for throwing tantrum to someone when i'm not happy...
so i just search for some jokes in the web...
hope that will help you make your day...

I got into an argument with a girl inside a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, 'cause then I tried to walk out and slam the flap.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

Dates are basically where I go out and I act like someone I'm not until the person likes me enough to be who I actually am.

Breaking up is always hard to do, isn't it? I broke up. I recently broke up from my little honey bunny. I was distraught. I thought I was going insane. I lost all this weight, got all skinny. My friends were like, 'You look fabulous!'


Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.?Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample.?Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get.?Also tends to form strong bonds with itself.?Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.
Usage: None known.?Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce?large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. ?Boils at nothing and may freeze any time.?Melts whenever treated properly. ?Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active.?Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. ?Violent when left alone.?Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. ?Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental.?An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.?Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

WOMAN ENGLISH
"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No
"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry
"We need" = I want
"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now
"Sure... go ahead"?= I don't want you to
"I'm not upset"?= Of course I'm upset, you moron!
"We need to talk"?= I need to complain
"You're certainly attentive tonight"?= Is sex all you ever think about?
"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs
"This kitchen is so inconvenient" ?= I want a new house
"I want new curtains"?= and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
"I heard a noise"?= I noticed you were almost asleep
"Do you love me?"?= I'm going to ask for something expensive
"How much do you love me?"?= I did something today you're really not going to like
"I'll be ready in a minute" ?= Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
"Is my butt fat?"?= Lie to me
"You have to learn to communicate"?= Just agree with me
"Are you listening to me!?" ?= [Too late, you're dead]
"Do what you want."?= You'll pay for this later

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

DAILY AGENDA FOR MAN AND WOMAN
Woman: Attempt to wake husband. Feed baby. Make breakfast. Change baby. Wake kids. Dress kids. Walk dog. Feed baby. Drive kids to school. Drag husband out of bed. Do laundry. Iron clothes. Clean house. Make husband lunch. Feed and change baby. Clean house again. Walk dog again. Pick up kids. Pick up school stuff. Clean up dog's mess. Make dinner. Call repair man, plumber, electrician, and exterminator. Swat flies. Yell at kids. Put kids to bed. Change baby. Go to Wal-Mart to stand on line for three hours to get one bag of chips for husband. Clean house again. Go to bed. Get up. Comfort baby. Let dog out. Change baby. Let dog in. Get 10 minutes of sleep.
Man: Sleep. Go to work. Sleep. Drink coffee. Have wife pick up. Watch football and drink beer. Fall asleep. Go to bathroom. Lift one heavy object for begging wife. Go to bed. Yell at wife to feed baby.

Do you ever play a video game with your girl? I don't like playing because she just wants to have fun. 'Let's just have fun.' 'No, it's a ninja game. I learned technique. I've played for nine months. People know my name.' You play with your girl, they'll hit one button 87 times because they like the color on the remote -- 'Oh my God, blue! Yay!' -- and win every game.